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Saturday, 16 July 2016

Book Spotlight: Porn Again by Lazrus Infinity



Also available on B&N | iTUNES | KOBO | GOOGLE PLAY

Harper 'Happy' Downman has no idea what's about to hit him. A typical button-down, Christian conservative American with a quaint home, a lovely wife and a dull sex life, he lives a life of monotonous mediocrity in the sun washed paradise that is South Florida. At the the height of the Great Recession, Happy's world takes a sharp turn when he loses his job due to corporate downsizing. Things go from bad to worse when he returns home to find his beloved wife in bed with another man. 

Struggling to find stable employment in the midst of an impending divorce, Happy's misfortune plummets further with the sudden arrival of his lecherous older brother. The black sheep of the family, he tempts Happy with a 'stimulating' solution that's sure to raise eyebrows within his ultra-conservative family. Relocating to the decadent, hedonistic streets of New Orleans, Happy finds himself in the most unlikely position...as the manager of a sex store. 

Caught in a whirlwind of porn, sex toys and colorful characters, Happy is challenged to turn around the worst store in the company while also being forced to face the harsh reality of his role in his failed marriage. In the process, he finds himself also learning quite a bit about life and love from the very people he was once prejudiced against. For a man with a stellar reputation as a salesman, Happy's about to learn the true meaning of the adage 'Sex Sells'.

EXCERPT

DISCLAIMER


Love:  noun \ˈləv\

a (1) :  strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) :  attraction based on sexual desire :  affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) :  affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>
b :  an assurance of affection <give her my love>

-Merriam Webster Dictionary


c :  Nature’s way of tricking people into reproducing.

-Urban Dictionary


Sex:  noun \ˈseks\

a :  Make sure you get some after reading this book.

-lazarusInfinity
***
Let’s talk about sex…and more importantly sex toys in general.  Yes gentlemen, your girlfriends, wives, mistresses, assistants, side chicks and whatever you people are calling them nowadays will at some point become curious about experimenting with sex toys…if they haven’t already.  Contrary to what a lot of men believe, a dildo will not replace you in a relationship, nor will a vibrator.  If anything, it can ultimately add some extra fire to a relationship that will eventually run the risk of falling into the monotony of everyday life.  You chose to date, fall in love with or even marry this woman.  If you can’t do kinky, sick, twisted and depraved, repugnant acts with the woman you love, well whom can you do them with???  Sex toys are just that-toys.  They’re there for her pleasure…and yours.  There’s nothing crazy, weird or sinful about it-just ask your local congressman or preacher.  Modern America’s views on sex are so twisted and ridiculous that whips and chains in the bedroom are frowned upon, but buying a shotgun at Wal-Mart is perfectly okay.  Go figure…
Another thing to consider, do not become intimidated when the love of your life brings up the issue of trying new things and bringing you inside a sex store.  Once again, this can be a new and exciting way to experience a side of your lady that you probably never knew existed.  Speaking on the subject of being in a sex store, there is no ‘specific type’ of person who shops there.  That’s just a lame excuse thrown around by women and men with way too many skeletons in the closet.  You know that seemingly sweet, innocent, hard working and beautiful young lady down the street whom everyone adores?  Behind closed doors, that sweet little angelic soul can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.  Whether it’s men or women, it’s ALWAYS the quiet, shy ones that you have to watch out for the most.  As for the issue at hand, do not get intimidated when she brings this subject up, or the subject of trying something different.  Depending on how crazy it sounds, the average guy will have a tendency to freak out.  This is not good.  It may not necessarily be that she really wants to try said kinky, sick, twisted and depraved, repugnant act…it may be that she just wants to hear your thoughts on it.  If you freak out and blow things out of proportion, you may run the risk of her never truly feeling open to communicate with you about some of the most personal and crazy things going through her mind.  On a side note gentlemen: PENIS PUMPS DO NOT WORK.  Some may argue otherwise, but umm…no.  Will it technically make the penis bigger???  Technically yes, provided you use a cock ring with it to trap the increased blood flow inside the penis.  No, you will not remain that size or eventually grow to the size of your favorite male porn star.  If anything, use it too much and you may find yourself dependent on it for maintaining an erection.  For the record, while you’ll find a lot of women who swear by the adage that size does matter, the average woman cares about width, not length.  Loosely translated, use your dick properly instead of being one, pay her a lot of attention, buy cute shoes that don’t hurt…and learn to use that tongue for something other than saying stupid shit.
ANAL SEX.  As a wise soul once said: “Free your mind and that ass will follow.”  While there are a lot of women out there who openly enjoy anal sex (and God bless those of you who do), there are many more women out there who don’t…deal with it.  Anal sex comes with so many myths, taboos and misinformation that it will take an average woman a lot of time and more importantly trust to take it to that level.  Keep in mind that if you love this woman, let her be the one to decide if she wants to go that route.  Men put way too much pressure on women for anal sex these days.  As a tip for women: if you happen to fall into this category and you’re constantly being pressured, ask your significant other to also take one for the team.  Speaking of which…
Roughly 20-30% of your boyfriends or husbands are either gay, bi, bi-curious or on the ‘down low’.  Don’t shoot the messenger; it is what it is.  It can be guaranteed that right now at this very moment, some of you women reading this either have or had a boyfriend or husband who has secretly shopped at a sex store, bought gay porn, asked ONLY for the DVDs themselves instead of the cases they came in, and then asked the cashier as to what business name will show up on the credit card statement.  If not, they’re definitely checking it out online.  Some of your favorite preachers, pastors, teachers and even police officers have bought gay magazines or gay porn discreetly.  Just for trivia’s sake, the next time you see a ‘straight’ man walking out of a sex store with either a plain white, brown or black paper bag…chances are there’s some titillating male-on-male entertainment inside.
On the flipside of things, if your woman is feeling a bit more adventurous than usual and she gets the crazy idea to stick either a finger, some non-descript or even phallic shape device in there…DO NOT FREAK OUT.  Studies have shown that periodic stimulation of the prostate is not only healthy, but can also be the most intense orgasm a man can experience.  Then again, if you go for this sort of thing, you just may be a member of the 20-30% previously referenced.
When it comes to the issue concerning sex toys for men and women, there is definitely a double standard.  The idea of a woman, whether single or not buying a sex toy and then later pleasuring herself with said object is just, well…sexy.  We hear about it, talk about it and see it in movies.  Yet when it comes to the subject of a man getting to love himself a little better courtesy of a blow up doll, live sex doll or pocket pussy, the rules change.  This is America folks-if a woman can be free to explore her sexuality and comfort courtesy of electronic devices or other, then men should be able to do the same.  Then again, the idea of a grown man watching Internet porn at home on a Friday night with one hand on the mouse or trackpad and the other on a pocket pussy is just plain lazy.  Have a shower, throw on a suit and go out on the town to meet some women.  Besides, AppleCare doesn’t cover damages caused by semen on a computer.  And as for the myth that Internet porn or cybersex is the safest sex you can have, that’s not true.  You can get a virus…

THIS PRODUCT IS SOLD AS A NOVELTY ONLY.  NOT INTENDED FOR ACTUAL USE.



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